I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
