He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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