he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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