I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
She needs sedatives and a leash
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
