Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
