Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
