Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
