I'm eating all of the evidence.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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