i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
