Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
