also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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