She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
