I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
