We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
