he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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