She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
