Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Holy shit dude........stairs
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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