there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
