he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
is this the sara with the beer cane?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
