i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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