so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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