Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
