i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
