I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
