It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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