I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
