I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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