Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
