Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
