it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
