Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
