well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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