this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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