she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
