my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
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