My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
