Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
