My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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