Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
