why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
