Your tits are I can't wait for
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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