The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Randomize
