..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
The struggles of a small town man whore
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
