If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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