He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
