your thong is hanging out like whoa
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
