I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
