Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
