worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You made out with two different species that night
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
