I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
