I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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